The event I predicted finally happened today, I went in play one time too many, not consciously intending to, I had a couple of bets just outside the money which got taken right at the off. the horse must have shot out of the stalls like a rocket, because the odds dropped and kept on dropping. A momentary thought of " Let it run and see if it comes back" was quickly suppressed, and I was out for a big red, wiping out my winnings for the month so far. I was in the green for the race before this happened too.
Did I learn my lesson? Nope, the next race, the same thing happened!! this time I got out for a scratch but that's not the point.
So what is making me do this, time after time??
Greed. I want to win more. What I am making(taking stakes into account) is never enough.
Addiction. I am maybe addicted to seeing the little green numbers next to each runner. Its a flaw in my mental character. Its what made me play fruit machines, even when I knew what it meant for them to have a payout of 70%. Its what attracts me to play roulette, even though I know that its impossible to win in the long run.
Self Sabotage. Im not sure about this one, but maybe I dont want to succeed at some subconscious level? When I play tennis, and am winning, and have the winning line in my sights, I suddenly fall to pieces and lose. Same with most sports. Same with University. Maybe Im not sure if I really want lots of money( strange though that sounds). What do I get out of not succeeding as a trader? I dont know.
On a more positive note, the loss hasn't affected me as much as it usually would. A flash of anger at being so stupid, and I have been pretty calm since then. I knew it was coming, so it was easier to accept I guess. What can I do about it? The feeling of "needing" to place these trades near the off is like an urge to scratch an itch, I guess its like a loss of control, a relinquishing of responsibility, I can throw everything into the wind and see what comes back. Will I be blessed or will I be cursed? Will I win or will I lose?