Friday, 6 November 2009

It finally happened

The event I predicted finally happened today, I went in play one time too many, not consciously intending to, I had a couple of bets just outside the money which got taken right at the off. the horse must have shot out of the stalls like a rocket, because the odds dropped and kept on dropping. A momentary thought of " Let it run and see if it comes back" was quickly suppressed, and I was out for a big red, wiping out my winnings for the month so far. I was in the green for the race before this happened too.

Did I learn my lesson? Nope, the next race, the same thing happened!! this time I got out for a scratch but that's not the point.

So what is making me do this, time after time??

Greed. I want to win more. What I am making(taking stakes into account) is never enough.

Addiction. I am maybe addicted to seeing the little green numbers next to each runner. Its a flaw in my mental character. Its what made me play fruit machines, even when I knew what it meant for them to have a payout of 70%. Its what attracts me to play roulette, even though I know that its impossible to win in the long run.

Self Sabotage. Im not sure about this one, but maybe I dont want to succeed at some subconscious level? When I play tennis, and am winning, and have the winning line in my sights, I suddenly fall to pieces and lose. Same with most sports. Same with University. Maybe Im not sure if I really want lots of money( strange though that sounds). What do I get out of not succeeding as a trader? I dont know.

On a more positive note, the loss hasn't affected me as much as it usually would. A flash of anger at being so stupid, and I have been pretty calm since then. I knew it was coming, so it was easier to accept I guess. What can I do about it? The feeling of "needing" to place these trades near the off is like an urge to scratch an itch, I guess its like a loss of control, a relinquishing of responsibility, I can throw everything into the wind and see what comes back. Will I be blessed or will I be cursed? Will I win or will I lose?


  1. I've been the same up until today...I think something may have finally clicked.

    I'm the son of a bookmaker and worked in his shop in my youth. I watched people come up with their bets knowing that overall over the period of a year the shop would always keep more than it took. On that basis I do not back horses, however, my draw is laying them.

    The adrenalin rush when doing it was the factor, however, having decided to give trading a go today I finally stopped 'deliberately' going in play when trading to a red position.

    I went in play twice, purely because my sound on my pc packed in and I missed the jump off. I was quickly trying to close out in play as I've had enough of my bank being dented from in play, at some point it will.

    Today was a calm day's trading for me, I actually managed to start off my trading by backing first and found it a lot easier to ride moves than laying first and was reading things a lot better.

    Who knows what tomorrow will bring, I hope it is no more in play.

    If I can do it, then anyone can.

    Give it a try, you never know it could just work.

  2. I am going to have to make a decision "no more in play" and then stick to it without fail. Glad you made a bit of progress, you need to change "Who knows what tomorrow will bring,I hope it is no more in play" to "no more in play" tho, hoping is no good, its in your hands, you are the only one who can stop it.